istikhara
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
So i am still sitting on my janemaaz (prayer mat), I just made two rakat salatul istikhara....
WHEN SEEKING GUIDANCE IN DECISION-MAKING (SALATUL-ISTIKHARAH)
Allahomma inni astakheeroka bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka min fadlikal-'azeem. Fa'innaka taqdiru wala aqdir. Wata'lamo wala-a'lam. Wa'anta-allamul ghuyoob.
Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna [Hathal-Amra] khayul-lee fi deenee wama'ashi wa'ajila amri wa'ajilah, faqdorho lee, wayassirho lee, thomma-barik lee fih.
Wa'in konta ta'lamo anna [Hathal-Amra] sharrul-lee fi deenee. Wama'ashi. Wa'ajila amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur leyal-khayr haytho kan. Thomma ardini Bih.
O Allah! I seek your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And you know, I know not. You are the knower of hiddent things.
O Allah! If in your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the future, then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.
SubhanAllah subhanAllah subhanAllah this dua is.........amazing.
The first time I made the dua tonight i read it in arabic, ofcourse my arabic is poor, because I am a struggling student, and will probably always continue to struggle :(, but the second time............and the third....i read it in the translation and.........as i was reading it the tears just began to flow, to the point where i had to pause. HOW great is this dua...like i cant even enumerate. First of all when you come and pray this, you're in such a state of helplessness, you know that everything you know is soooo incomplete, and you are beseeching the most complete, the most perfect, the most exalted...and that in itself humbles you....and then Allah subhana wa ta ala allows US to not only ask of him for help in making a decision, he does it in the MOST beautiful of ways....."make it easy for me, and bless it for me", and if it is not meant for me then "turn it away from me, and me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and MAKE ME PLEASED WITH IT".
ya Rabbil Alameen...............in this dua you ask Allah subhana wa ta ala to make you happy, how simple is that concept, yet how simply profound is it. At this point i couldnt really handle much, and my kitten was sleeping on my bed. She got off of the bed and climbed into my lap and began rubbing her face along my hands....it was subhanAllah amazing. I ask Allah subhana wa ta ala for pleasure in the midst of the night.....when absolutely no one in my home is awake or can hear me....if some one were to awake id probably wipe my tears and climb into bed. Yet here comes a choti munni si jaan, my kitten, and provides me with the affection i needed.
this probably makes absolutely no sense...but i am in complete and utter awe, once again at His Greatness...
Subhan'Allah.
Subhan'Allah.
Subhan'Allah.
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.
Life
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
It's funny how at one moment in time you begin to think that your life is soooo utterly complex, and all you want is to escape from everything all at once, yet at other times, your heart is so complacent and at rest with the present that its unwilling to move forward.
What is even more amazing is when these feelings occur back to back.
Perhaps it is just a simple part of life, a simple element of the duality within ourselves... The nafs that is never happy with what it is given, and the heart that relishes the beauty in the simplicity of life and happiness.
Hm....
You know when I enter these "..." I actually do stop typing and think for a moment or two.... so the ... kind of allow you to flow with my thoughts....weird na? :)
Behrayhal what Im trying to say is that life is amazing, we in our indecisiveness are so....whats the word ...feeble. Both of these states, I believe, yearn for Allah subhana wa ta ala. At times you are soo amazed with His blessings and His signs that you are just dumbfounded and don't want to depart from that single moment.
Whereas at other points in your life, you may be so distant from Allah subhana wa ta ala, caught up in the now, that you allow other things to occupy your time, your mind, and your heart. So what happens? Obviously you find no satisfaction, you're tearing up inside because you know whatever is going on is not goin on right at all, and what do you do? You yearn for Him and only Him ...
Moral of the story? I don't know, I am not that profound that I can find a moral through my ranting and raving :)
I want to shout out to one of the two people that ever read this :: I <3 you samiya :)
Duas.......
beace.
thoughts
So im back...
you know when there are two posts in one night...something must utterly be wrong, haha.
I've been told that most of my blog sounds like some psychotic depressed girl....and i guess that is what happens...who wants to sit in front of a computer during their happiest of hours..most certainly not me :)
So certain thoughts have been plaguing my mind since as far back as i can think (no not really that long, i just like to be semi-dramatic at times). The concept of "good" has been so morphed within my mind. Every time i sit back and do some self anaylyzing i realize how much i've changed. I don't even know when i began changing, or maybe i just never stopped changing. i guess its been an ongoing process...but then how come when i look back now i seem so ....different?
[This is probably as vague as vague gets, but im not a COMPLETE fan of putting every ounce of my heart and soul out on the world wide web for every Joe, Jack, and Mary to read, so i'll continue to be very vague, and if you know me, you are probably catching on just about now anyway.]
Change is good people say, and i agree, change can be amazing, But what happens when people around you, start looking at you with one eyebrow raised. Then what. Are you doing something completely and utterly out of line? Have you changed? Have they changed? What happens when the lines between good and bad become blurred.....that before you know it, at one point u were here in "good" and then all of a sudden you are amidst "bad". It is said that experience is one of the best teachers, then what if, despite what everyone says, your experience and your gut instincts tell you what you're doing is a-okay.
Whoa....reading that I am starting to confuse even myself. SubhanAllah when i stop and really think about everything I've just written, I think certain things most definately become prevalent. The human heart and mind, are so ....feeble. Judgement can so easily be changed on a whim. It really makes you realize how weak you really are, and how much you really rely on individuals and beings greater then yourself. Perhaps when people look at you with one raised eyebrow you should be concerned. When you start making excuses for things that were so simple and clear, perhaps your judgement is clouded, or rather, blinded.
Its amazing the amount of emphasis that is placed on reason in this society. But most times I find that reason only gets me in more trouble. Hah. I'm all about the heart. When somethings wrong you feel it, first and foremost, in your heart. After a while your brain can begin to reason just about anything.
SubhanAllah i apologize for the lack of coherance in this writing ..
beace.
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
Night
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
As you can see this blog does not get updated all that often. However at times, often times in the midst of the darkness of the night you suddenly feel really really alone and the urge to reach out to something or someone. Amazing isn't it, that this is the time that Allah subhana wa ta ala descends to the lowest of the heavens simply so we can reach out to him.
Hmmmmmmmmm................
As I write this I have surah rahman playing in the background, yet in the background of that I hear the city life outside of my apartment. Unfortunately I live next door to a "pub", and every Thursday night, I hear people, at this very hour, screaming out things, things that they won't remember the next morning. Its weird isn't it.
Day and night are so utterly different...we can be one person in the day, and somehow transform into a totally different person at night. Today I was surrounded by sooooo many people, we sat, we laughed, we ate, we prayed, and then just as maghrib rolled by we all parted our own ways...and now here I am in the middle of the night sitting in my bed, only the light of my laptop illuminating the room. Goes to tell you something I guess, at this hour when I could be with the highest of companions, I choose my laptop ... they say in the midst of the night individuals call out to their beloved ... so i guess this white MAC would be mine .. eek.
subhanAllah ...
wassalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
